Posted by Updated November 2025
If you are a manager, a parent, or any human dealing with other humans for that matter, you know that communication is key to improving relationships, getting things done, and solving problems. It’s not what you say, but how you say it.
The right phrasing can shift mindsets and change the course of conversations. At Venture Up, we’ve observed leaders use the power of words for decades in our team building programs when groups are under deadline pressure. The key is simple: hand the power of choice to the people you want to take charge, instead of trying to control them.
Research backs this up. Social interaction professor Elizabeth Stokoe of Loughborough University analyzed thousands of recorded conversations — from customer service calls to police negotiations — and found that “certain words or phrases have the power to change the course of a conversation.” Below are highlights from her work, along with a few Venture Up insights from three decades of experience motivating diverse teams from across the globe.
Are You Willing To…
Using the term willing had a near-magical effect in mediation calls. “As soon as the word ‘willing’ was uttered,” Stokoe said, “people would interrupt to agree.”
Venture Up:
When emotions run high — whether with a defiant teenager or clashing coworkers — handing power to the other party diffuses tension. You show respect by acknowledging their agency. They don’t need you; you’re simply opening a door to their own solution.
Phrases like “Would you like to” or “Would you be interested in” sound hesitant. Willing puts people in an active role.
Options vs. Guidelines
By offering choices, doctors in Stokoe’s study got better results — even when guidelines told them to dictate “what’s best.”
Venture Up:
Sometimes el jefe doesn’t know best — and neither does HR. Empowering the individual to act often leads to stronger follow-through and shared ownership.
Can You Just…
Former Google exec Ellen Leanse calls just a “permission” word — a shy knock before asking for what you need. It sounds apologetic.
Venture Up:
Just also leaks frustration: “Can you just eat in the break room?” or “Can you just come home on time?” It lands as condescending or whiny. Drop it altogether. Just don’t use it.
Speak vs. Talk
Police negotiators who said, “I’m here to talk,” met more resistance than those who said, “I’m here to speak.”
Why? Idioms like “Talk is cheap” have poisoned the word.
Venture Up:
Talk feels like filler. Speak carries weight and respect. It signals thoughtfulness — not manipulation — and helps people stay open instead of defensive.
Sort vs. Help
“Let’s sort it” felt more active and equal than “Let’s help you,” Stokoe found.
Venture Up:
Help can sound paternalistic, implying someone’s broken. “Let’s sort this out” creates partnership — a two-person team working toward a fair solution.
How Are You?
Cold callers love “How are you today?” — but Stokoe’s research showed it backfires. It feels false.
Venture Up:
When you hear that line, you know what’s coming — someone wants your money. Authentic relationships begin with honesty, not scripts. Skip fake rapport and get to the point:
“May I have the name of the person who manages corporate events?” earns far more trust than “Can I talk to the manager?”
If you genuinely know someone, personalize it: “Glad to see you recovered from that cold,” or “Did your daughter’s team make the playoffs?” Real attention builds real relationships.
Some vs. Any
UCLA researchers found that “Anything else I can do for you?” got fewer responses than “Is there something more I can do for you?” Any feels vague; some feels specific.
Venture Up:
Think Ben Stein’s monotone in Ferris Bueller’s Day off. “Any questions? Anyone?” Silence.
If you want engagement, be specific:
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“How would it work if we put Shelly and Rhonda on the party planning team?”
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“What do you think of hiring an outside event company?”
Precision gets participation.
Yes, but …
Rob Kendall, author of Workstorming, calls “Yes, but” a dead-end phrase — it signals resistance, not agreement. Replace it with “What’s needed here?” or “What do you need?” to move forward.
Venture Up:
“But” cancels the “yes.” We prefer “how” questions:
“How can we make both ideas work?”
“How can we solve this despite our differences?”
When both sides give a little, collaboration thrives. When neither budges — time to find a new team.
Listen
Former FBI negotiator Chris Voss, author of Never Split the Difference, says the first step to changing behavior is active listening — showing someone you truly hear what they mean, not just what they say.
Repeating their final thought (“It sounds like you’re frustrated — is that right?”) invites correction and deepens understanding.
Venture Up:
Listening is the most undervalued skill in leadership. Most of us “listen” while rehearsing our rebuttal. Pause. Reflect. Echo their point: “To your point…” or “As Mark mentioned…” Using names signals respect — and earns it back.
Greetings Matter
Even a simple “Hello” can reset tension, Stokoe notes.
Example: An angry coworker storms up to your desk. A bright, genuine “Hello!” can derail hostility.
Venture Up:
Tone is everything. A flat “hello” can sound sarcastic; a warm one disarms. Stay calm, smile, focus on solutions. Grudges cost more than grace.
And when entering a room or passing coworkers, always acknowledge them — even a nod and eye contact builds connection. If they’re deep in conversation, keep it brief: “Hey there,” and move on.
The Power of Words
Words carry power. Whether leading a meeting, resolving conflict, or parenting a teenager, effective workplace communication starts with awareness — not control.
Listen more than you speak (tough for most leaders). Choose precision over filler. Respect over rhetoric.
That’s how teams — and relationships — thrive.
Venture Up (est. 1983) is the original team building company, helping organizations build trust and collaboration through real-world experiences.
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